Monday, August 29, 2005

Ovaries for Sale!


I HATE PMS. I'm tired, bloated, craving all kinds of food and my boobs hurt.

*places lock on refrigerator and puts on her sweatpants*


House said...

Ovaries for sale? I don't think e-Bay has a category for that (yet.)

But while you wait for the day that oophorectomy becomes profitable for you (as opposed to your OB), allow me to waste a little time and make some recommendations. For the fatigue and fluid retention, you could drink a couple of extra cups of coffee. Or you could just elevate your feet and -- here's an idea -- take a nap.

And try some vitamins. You could start taking a B-complex multivitamin on day 14 -- get a time-release so you don't just pee out all that niacin. Wash it down with calcium and magnesium.

There's also a really hard-core multi specifically designed for PMS. It's called Optivite. If your drugstore can't order it for you, you can get it from the company. That Auditrix chick had excellent results from it (like I needed her to tell me about that. Talk about the TMI.)

Seriously, rethink the ovary auction idea. The money you make won't be enough to make up for your lost time from work. I have doubts about your ability to use e-Bay anyway, seeing how you screwed up the link in your entry about your lunch box with that extra "http." So just try the vitamins?

PipTook said...

Hi Dr. House - didn't realize you were still reading my blog. You must REALLY be bored.

And e-Bay may not have a specific category for organ selling, but isn't that what the "Everything Else" section is for? ;-) And yes, I've fixed the link in the previous entry.

Napping - Unfortunately my body doesn't understand the concept. All my attempts to "nap" end up with me sleeping for three hours and completely messing up my sleep cycle.

I will definitely be trying the other tips though. Thanks!

Anonymous said...

V, i would totally buy your ovaries, if only to put in a jar labelled "Essence of V"... is that weird?
liz ;)

PipTook said...


Once again Liz, you leave the most excellent comments. I would sell my organs to you anytime.

Ms Smack said...

Apparently some woman sold her forehead on Ebay for the highest bidder as advertising space.

Some casino bought it for 10k.

So, yes, she allegedly gets the Casino name TATTOOED on her forehead.

If a cheese toastie can be sold on ebay, then maybe your organs are next !

Chantellé said...

I am a single mom living in South Africa. Deseperately in need of money to pay my daughter's school fees. Willing to sell ovaries!